Talk:Intro vols and waste

by --Coordinator 09:53, 15 November 2008 (EST)

A comma here, a comma there.

I want to suggest that the tone is rather tentative so I have made some suggestions to make it more assertive (but hopefully not aggressive :-) ). See what you think:

ORIGINAL: A PERC News series, �Waste not, want not� will focus on the issue of waste production and our personal responses to it.

Concern of drift towards issue focus. How about: "A PERC News series, �Waste not, want not� will focus on our personal responses to the issue of waste production." which places the emphasis on the person rather than the issue?

I'd also suggest a little more assertive language in calling for participation: "Tell us ... " instead of "You can write ... "

"You are also invited to..." remove

" If any or all of these options interest you, we invite you to share your thoughts with PERC News readers."

to become

"PERC News readers will benefit when we share our thoughts and actions to improve our community of change.